Milestones without Mom (Bio)

 Webster's Dictionary defines a Milestone as an action or event making a significant change or stage in development. As a mommy. I define it as all of those moments that you cheer for your child in Amazement of them and all that they do! Sometimes I cheer on the outside and it can be quite LOUD! Sometimes I am cheering on the inside and it is very quiet. But I am always cheering. As a mommy to children that I did not have the privilege of giving birth to, sometimes I cheer double. Once for myself and once for the mommy who I wish was there seeing the milestone for them self. I try to photograph everything! But sometimes photographs don't capture every detail of the moment. I get caught up in the moment and I miss capturing the photo of the look of pure joy that I am given as I cheer them on. I don't take lightly the responsibility that I have been given to try to document each moment that I am present and their mommy is not. Each child placed in my care has a "life book" to track all of the milestones taking place. What a privilege and if I am honest, a burden to be in charge of keeping track of all of the changes taking place in their young lives. What if I forgot to write something down? I will always have the memory (in my mind) BUT their mommy will not. 

 This past weekend was bittersweet! Our youngest celebrated a BIG milestone of her very First Birthday. One day later she took off walking/running. Two BIG days. Two BIG milestones. We cheered. We cheered loud! Later there were tears. As I laid in bed, I cried for that mama. What was going through her mind as she laid her head down on the night of her child's very first birthday separated from her sweet baby? Was she sad? worried? scared? I prayed for that mama and for me. I never take lightly the privilege of this calling. I am loved and called mama by children that I don't deserve. I get to love on them, teach them, cuddle them, pray with them and everything else a mama does. What a privilege and tragedy all mixed in one! Not a day goes by that I don't think about both......the privilege......and the tragedy. Today could be another milestone day. More teeth may come popping through. I will do my best to photograph each one. I will write in a "life book" . And yes, I will probably shed a few tears for another day that mama missed of her precious child's life.

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12"

Mosaic of Grace

 Hello and to those of you who read my former Blog Hagins Happenings: I have missed you! I Started that Blog in 2010 to process my grief at the loss of our baby Trevor Mark and 2 more sweet babies that followed him to Heaven. Then the loss of the hope of ever carrying another baby in my womb when I had to have a hysterectomy in 2011. God used that Blog to minister to me during my time of deepest loss. Typing through tears on all of those sleepless nights as I listened for God's voice is truly what got me through those long nights. That being said, I am beyond grateful and know that I am truly blessed to have been able to conceive 6 children. Three are here on earth and three are waiting on me in Heaven. God is so faithful! 

 We started the looooonnnnnngggggggg journey of becoming foster parents in Fall of 2013 and became licensed Foster Parents in February of 2016. We have had the privilege of filling in the gap for 7 children during the last 2 1/2 years. We are caring for 4 special littles at this time. Our life is never dull and I can never say that I am bored. Using the bathroom without anyone following me in or banging on the door is like a mini-vacation but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 I LOVE to write! I have truly missed journaling life which is why I have decided to blog again. From life in ministry to doing life with 6 children, case managers, court dates, family service workers, iep meetings. isp meetings, social workers, therapists and more. Our home is rarely quiet, empty or spotles. My hope and prayer is that the things that I have learned and the mistakes that I have made on this journey will at least give some one a good laugh. 

 I spent this last weekend with over 400 women at one of my favorite places on earth Webster Conference Center. If you have never worshipped with over 400 women than you are missing an experience. Shelly Johnson did an Amazing job leading us right in to the throne room at the feet of Jesus each time she led. She sang an original titled a Mosaic of Grace and it truly spoke to my heart...….

 "In your pain you may not see  

The beauty of the masterpiece  

But there's a greater work of art  

Than what each piece alone imparts  

 He can take the fallen pieces 

And lay them in the perfect place 

When his work is finally finished 

You will be a Mosaic of Grace"

WoW! All of these broken tiny pieces of messes that I make in this life! He is using it ALL for HIS Glory. All of the heart aches, all of the tears, all of the joys, all of the sorrows, all of my mistakes and all of my victories in Him. He is creating a Master piece....a Mosaic...….of Grace. I will NEVER look at a stained glass window with the same eyes that I have before. This brings me so much HOPE! I hope that it does you as well.